pg. 1Finding My Inner Father  
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spiral
There are dreams, there are day dreams, and then there are clear, spectacular, spiritual visions. This is the story of a woman whose life is transformed by spiritual visions that reveal and unlock her true identity.
spiral
T
his story is about a middle aged woman. She’s surviving OK as she has her health, a few good friends and teaches history at a high school.

She went into history because she had a yearning to connect with the past, thinking that if she could learn from its lessons and find its treasures she might better understand the experiences of today. But now, her professional interests no longer hold their original fascination.

An area of continual problems for her is with men. She has had many relationships, but ultimately, none of them lasted or were very fulfilling. She was married in her early twenties but the marriage ended after only four years. Her relationships with men since then have been boring or they have been a roller coaster ride in which she would feel excited and hopeful for a while, but after problems and limitations in the relationship became apparent, it was over. Hence, as long as she can remember, she’s always had a feeling of disconnection ... a deep yearning to unify and become whole within herself and with a partner.

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The woman is intelligent and knows the basics of psychology. She knows that her inability to meet a man who she can partner with to co-create a happy, satisfying, and perhaps lasting relationship, is rooted in her relationship with her father.

Her father and mother divorced when she was young, but she saw him frequently and even stayed with him for long periods during the summer. However, he was always emotionally distant and never took care of her like she wanted. “He did the best he could,” she would tell her friends, “but it certainly wasn’t enough.”

She clearly traces her current feelings of disconnection and yearning back to her earliest years, but even today her father is unreachable. She sees him every month, and she longs for him to wake up and accept her, but she is slowly realizing that he’s his own man, with his own problems, and it probably will never happen. You could say that her heart is broken. She easily cries when she loses herself in the thoughts, feelings and memories surrounding her relationship with her dad.

The hopelessness and yearning to be complete produced a low-level depression that spanned many of her recent years. She did her best to pick herself up, but it was not enough as she continued the cycle of unsatisfying relationships with men.

About a year ago, she decided that she really needed to get control of her attitude, or she would certainly fall deeper into the muck as she gets older. The woman bought several self-help books, began exercising regularly, and even enrolled in a hatha yoga class. These certainly had positive effects, and at least helped take her mind off her loneliness.

One day, during her regular exercise routine, while contemplating how things have improved over the last few months, she was able to make the clear connection that her frame of mind and feelings were drawing better experiences and situations to her. “I get it!” she blurted out, when she realized that positive possibilities were lining up in her future. She was thrilled! This simple realization felt like a spiritual awakening.

Day after day, for several months, the woman worked on developing a deeply positive attitude. She still felt painfully incomplete in her relationships with men — and her father remained as cold and distant as always — but her attitude kept improving little by little. She felt better about herself.

During this process, she had several potent experiences with her father and with a man that she loved — experiences that were especially vile and hurtful to her. She became mired in the feelings and imagery related to those events, but from an even deeper place, the desire to be whole and complete quickly picked her spirits up and kept her moving in a positive inner direction.

One day, after a long hike to the top of a mountain, she came home, showered and fell into bed. She was happy to feel the soft comforter wrap around her tired muscles. Her body seemed to fall into delicious sleep while her mind remained quiet and awake. “Mmmmm ... this is a nice state of awareness” she thought.

Merging with the stillness, she ponders her father and their relationship, and how it is reflected in all the failed relationships with men spanning her whole life. She feels an immense yearning to be fully united with him ... but realistically knew it to be impossible. Finally, her mind let go of those thoughts and feelings as she drifted into twilight consciousness between being awake and asleep.

Continued next page ...


 
 
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